I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Found your dick twin last night
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize