i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
