he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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