I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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