apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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