i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize