she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Randomize
