She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
