Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
