it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
