I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Randomize
