I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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