Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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