Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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