Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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