Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
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The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
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It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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