My cat gives me a boner
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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