i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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