your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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