Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
