Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
