Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
