of course. lets lasso hookers.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
