thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
