so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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