Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
