Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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