moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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