did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
