guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
