Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
