she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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