my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
