They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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