shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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