well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
