I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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