I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
