so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
