Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
