if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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