uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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