weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.