I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!