Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.

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(415): Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass. http://tfl.nu/ng8b

Replies (71) Good night (6436) Bad night (997)
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(925): View more from California

2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.

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(925): 2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing. http://tfl.nu/jq9y

Replies (74) Good night (11989) Bad night (1425)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake

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(501): he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake http://tfl.nu/mrvl

Replies (21) Good night (4377) Bad night (963)
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(406): View more from Montana

To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.

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(406): To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved. http://tfl.nu/shxy

Replies (10) Good night (6551) Bad night (1128)
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(818): View more from California

we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.

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(818): we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices. http://tfl.nu/8xc8

Replies (9) Good night (2571) Bad night (880)
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(734): View more from Michigan

He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.

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(734): He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge. http://tfl.nu/yr6w

Replies (4) Good night (697) Bad night (1666)
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(602): View more from Arizona

If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!

(623): View more from Arizona

It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...

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(602): If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection! (623): It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now... http://tfl.nu/u3ol

Replies (6) Good night (2639) Bad night (880)
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(817): View more from Texas

I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.

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(817): I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE. http://tfl.nu/yalr

Replies (11) Good night (1281) Bad night (773)
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(720): View more from Colorado

You're gonna judge me.

(303): View more from Colorado

Howd you sleep with him already

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(720): You're gonna judge me. (303): Howd you sleep with him already http://tfl.nu/qfz4

Replies (9) Good night (2103) Bad night (567)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it

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(215): It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it http://tfl.nu/0xgu

Replies (9) Good night (1911) Bad night (867)
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(248): View more from Michigan

Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?

(1-248): View more from Michigan

Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup

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(248): Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier? (1-248): Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup http://tfl.nu/318d

Replies (0) Good night (606) Bad night (996)
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(425): View more from Washington

I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.

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(425): I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it. http://tfl.nu/bssm

Replies (3) Good night (975) Bad night (372)
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(206): View more from Washington

Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.

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(206): Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning. http://tfl.nu/yefg

Replies (2) Good night (870) Bad night (436)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?

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(781): Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station? http://tfl.nu/6qox

Replies (5) Good night (790) Bad night (499)
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(512): View more from Texas

Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.

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(512): Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking. http://tfl.nu/ecx3

Replies (1) Good night (174) Bad night (330)

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