Texts From Last Night

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  (407): View more from Florida

  youre lurking in front of me

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  (407): youre lurking in front of me http://tfl.nu/nxpl
  Replies (4) Good night (747) Bad night (751)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i don't plan on having that self control this summer

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  (732): i don't plan on having that self control this summer http://tfl.nu/15c3
  Replies (8) Good night (2006) Bad night (515)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.

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  (518): Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird. http://tfl.nu/mxsq
  Replies (8) Good night (623) Bad night (2073)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?

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  (631): Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later? http://tfl.nu/fnnu
  Replies (13) Good night (1896) Bad night (543)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'

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  (334): i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified' http://tfl.nu/dnlw
  Replies (51) Good night (2847) Bad night (806)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay

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  (647): Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay http://tfl.nu/st3m
  Replies (5) Good night (2927) Bad night (798)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.

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  (310): When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing. http://tfl.nu/i23j
  Replies (16) Good night (3022) Bad night (988)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire

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  (484): if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire http://tfl.nu/0try
  Replies (14) Good night (2461) Bad night (775)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.

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  (231): A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners. http://tfl.nu/ba89
  Replies (11) Good night (2280) Bad night (456)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"

  (1-413): View more from Massachusetts

  I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family

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  (413): Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker" (1-413): I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family http://tfl.nu/b85j
  Replies (7) Good night (2158) Bad night (447)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.

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  (425): It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night. http://tfl.nu/z2ri
  Replies (3) Good night (1017) Bad night (298)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.

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  (817): Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty. http://tfl.nu/lz9h
  Replies (5) Good night (372) Bad night (1219)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?

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  (541): I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask? http://tfl.nu/caku
  Replies (9) Good night (1180) Bad night (318)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat

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  (814): If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat http://tfl.nu/6lrq
  Replies (5) Good night (876) Bad night (249)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.

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  (314): Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame. http://tfl.nu/omwv
  Replies (2) Good night (615) Bad night (206)

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