I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
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i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.