Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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