I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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