You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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