It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
