no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
