you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
