Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
