loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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