Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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