I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
