You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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