Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
