Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
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