I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Its about making memories worth repressing
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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