he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
