Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
