Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Non-Jews are for practice
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
