Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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