is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
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Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
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I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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