That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Randomize
