So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
