I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
