there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
