i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
