Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
