The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize