Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
