my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
