I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize