I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
