3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
