Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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