we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
