You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
