She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
