Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
